Book Report on Loving each other by Leo Buscaglia

Leo Buscaglia undertakes an in-depth study of loving relationships in his 1986 book titled Loving Each Other: The Challenge of Human Relationships. The study follows an increasing trend of broken relationships and loneliness among people. The answers sought by Buscaglia are how to form loving relationships as well as nurture them to grow. In addressing this issue, he avoids appearing subjective by taking into account the thoughts of the subjects in his study. Through questionnaires, the subjects present the main qualities that they believe contribute towards a loving relationship. These mainly include communication, joy, honesty, and forgiveness among others. Buscaglia then expands on these qualities. This book forms a basis for self-reflection given that these are issues that everyone faces. Many of these qualities resonated with me while I held a few reservations about others.

Communication is vital for a loving relationship. Buscaglia (1986) states that it is the most essential skill in forming and maintaining a loving and growing relationship. However, this skill is continually being ignored. Ironically, communication is an issue, yet technology allows us to talk to anyone at any time from anywhere in the world. It goes to show that the communication channel is not all that is needed but also that communication skills are just as important. In my relationships, both primary and secondary, I have encountered challenges when I needed someone to listen to me. It appears that many people want to talk but few want to listen. Buscaglia (1986) argues that sharing, which is vital in a loving relationship, stops when one senses that they are not being listened to. Deriving from personal experience, I know that sometimes listening is hard. There are times when a friend tries to share thoughts but I find myself distracted or worse, disinterested.  However, after reading this book, I intend to be a better listener as I would want the same to be reciprocated.

Honesty is yet another major quality for nurturing loving relationships. The author argues that dishonesty leads to a web of distrust that eventually destroys a relationship (Buscaglia, 1986). Yet, being entirely honest is a big challenge. Many times, lying seems to be a better option than hurtful truths in our relationships. Buscaglia (1986, p.78) captures this by stating that “We engage in these untruths, we say, in order to protect others from pain, from harm or to spare the innocent.” This is the case with most of us. I have had experiences where I had to lie because I believed that the truth would only result in great damage to my relationship. Also, not everyone is the same and people handle the truth differently, especially when it is painful. Therefore, I slightly disagree with Buscaglia on this point. This does not mean that I do not value the truth. On the contrary, I have experienced the rewards of a relationship based on honesty. The trust, security, and warmth of such a relationship are striking. However, there are things that I would prefer not to know, especially if they only lead to painful feelings. I refer to this as a few cases of omission in telling the truth instead of outright lying. Aside from that, I generally believe that honesty is crucial in a loving relationship.

There is love in forgiveness. Buscaglia (1986) argues that forgiveness has the power to heal, soothe, reunite and recreate. However, this is yet another challenging quality besides honesty when it comes to relationships. The challenge is captured by Buscaglia’s words that “Asking for forgiveness and forgiving others is a complicated process that involves our deepest empathy, humanity, and wisdom” (Buscaglia, 1986, p. 95). We have all been wronged or felt betrayed at one point or the other. Judging from my experience, I think that the ease in forgiveness depends on how we view the magnitude of the wrong done to us. It also depends on the remorsefulness of the person. In the past, I have found it very difficult to forgive those who were not willing to apologize for their mistakes. However, I like Buscaglia’s point that forgiveness should be unconditional hence the presence or absence of an apology is not an issue. Also, I have understood that we forgive for our benefit, and not that of others. I have felt pain before after being wronged by my loved ones. This only served to deny me peace and joy until I chose to let go of those negative feelings by forgiving. Hence, forgiveness, although challenging, is a quality that resonates with me and I intend to be more forgiving even when it is very hard.

The quality of Joy also resonated with me. Perhaps it is because I value my happiness dearly. Also, I believe that one of the goals of a relationship is joy. Buscaglia (1986) however, cautions us that happiness comes from within. It is wrong to expect your lover, for instance, to entirely make you happy. I have fallen into this category of expectations several times. Hence, I aim to bring my happiness into the relationship, which will then be nurtured through positive expressions such as constant laughter.  Ultimately, joy will enable me to live fully and improve my health and wellbeing as well as the lives of those with who I build relationships.

Loving relationships need to be formed and nurtured. Leo Buscaglia’s book on Loving Each Other forms the basis for self-reflection on such relationships. Many of the qualities addressed resonated with my personal experiences. These include communication, honesty, forgiveness, and joy. Having gained this insight, I look forward to nurturing my relationships with an emphasis on love.

References

Buscaglia, L. F. (1986). Loving Each Other: The Challenge of Human Relationships. Ballantine Books.